Match.com

At this exact second, I am holding back every impulse of bursting into some cynic ranting about the frills of romance. Since I can remember I have always been the type to get swept off  by the next random guy that comes along. It is that easy for me to lose myself when I lose it to someone. I blame my father's overly emotional genetic disposition for that. Lately though as I crawl my way into older adulthood, I have come to realize that love is not all pink hearts and pop music that has a certain song for every situation, as I find it. 

Love is difficult. Real love that is. It is patient and kind, true to that overly used Bible verse. Falling in love is rather an easy task for me and I have no problem getting my feet wet because I probably jumped into the ocean long before I could say infatuation. It's the getting out of it that completely blows for me. I have had my share of inevitable heartbreak and amour devastation but I will almost always never learn and continuously do it over and over again. A song about getting hit by buses is etching its way into my subconscious and I am about to break into the chorus as we speak but again, holding firmly to the tiniest concept of reality that a wee old girl like me can clasp on to. 

I have gotten around my share of idiots and assholes and have glorified the ground they walked on as I saw through all their imperfections and intolerable cruelty altogether with constant nudges by family and friends and crystal clear high definition evidences of douchiness. I am doomed as I sometimes ask myself what I've ever done in my past life to deserve such demise. 

I am complete with all my hormones, eccentricities and drama queen air about me and deep down I am looking for the one who can see past that, the way I have with all these jerks. I still fantasize about finding the one who can stay in on a beautiful day and just not to do anything outdoors and be fine with it. I am still hoping to meet someone who can make me feel beautiful and not only during the times when he was dying to make me mine but even at my trashiest, he would never look at another woman the way he looked at me for the first time. I am still waiting for a real man, with real problems but who is really finding a way to make things better so he can be a better person for me. 

It is not a pretty sight when I am at the brink of self pity and depression, although my facial expression seems to be pretty much the same no matter what I feel but I need someone who gets THAT. Someone who knows what I feel without me having to jump up and down when I say I am elated but who knows that deep down I am happy, complete and content. 

With all this said, the best person I have to wait for is me. It all comes down to the unconditional self love that my body has longed for probably since I was 13. Screw the movies, books and love songs. Things like those have never existed and now as I distinctly listen to what my heart and mind is saying in chorus, it's to fall madly in love with ME.

All these dating services with all their specifications of Christian, Pan-Asian, single parent subcategories to suit every (desperate) person's needs has got nothing on self love. Now that I think of it, why hasn't anybody created a site that allows you to date YOU. Hmm. Now, now, why didn't I come up with that?